Darkshaunz gets his Petit On.

In Collaboration with Abanzai! anime blog.

My fellow anime comrade oOgA invited as a guest author on his crib, he promised me a company car and a penthouse full of catgirls in heat (It was an offer only a retarded maniac would refuse). I refused, only to have him threaten to crawl up to my bed at night and slit my throat (which is about the time I accepted his offer). We’re ways away from even a shitty Camrip of the new Evangelion remake movie, so let’s vent our evangelion spirit somewhere else, namely at the recently announced Petit Evangelion series.

School just got a little Tokyo-3

The Super-adorable virus infection of Tokyo-3 has begun.

The concept of this Evangelion spinoff is based on the “Super-Deformed” character designs of the faces we are all familiar with in the Evangelion series. Alright, lets begin by saying that the characters look absolutely retarded in “Chibi-Mode”. In the teaser poster picture, Rei looks like a psychotic yippie girl on speed or some shit (what’s up with that?), Gendou looks like a Puffer Fish, Misato’s forehead could land a 747 and everyone looks like they stepped through the “Teletubby Cutesie Converter” machine in Happy Tra-la-la wonderland. The other thing I’d like to say is, despite the blatant retardedness of it all, they are absolutely adorable and you would most likely contract diabetes from looking at the character designs for too long. I kind of want to admit that girl version of the Jet-Alone robot was a very good idea, but that would mean mooting a paragraph’s worth of rage.

Here’s a pair of comics where I have no idea what the shit is happening.

How about the storyline? Well, according to our spies over at ANN, The NERV High School is ruled over by principal Gendou Ikari and Misato is the form teacher. I hope this means that Gendou will make his students battle it out in a deserted island using randomly assigned backpacks of weapons, because thats what he would do, and not something weak like supervise detention. Misato-”sensei” had better get drunk on Yebisu during her class or make love with Kaji on her desk, with all her students gawking on with lust, else fans will rise as an angry mob wielding rakes and sickles. Apparently, the student council will have all three Rei clones as the ruling body. Yeah, that’s going to turn out just fine, the students of the high school are all going to explode into a pool of orange juice and I bet my ass that the loli Rei clone will get strangled by a substitute teacher by the name of Akagi.

Yes, just what we need, Chibivangelion on Doritos.

Further plans for the Petit Evangelion series include three animated shorts featuring rhythmic dancing to the themes of “Exercising”, “Noon Recess” and “Cleaning”, wow are you excited as I am? Probably not, though Exercising could look pretty cute and cool if they actually perform nice looking exercises. All these sequences will feature some kind of “nonsensical gag piece” from the characters. I can’t wait to hear Gendou crack a joke about (Insert popular pop culture reference) during a tea break in the staffroom, and I know Rei and Shinji will be a wealth of cheeky and amusing anectodes during the course of the series. Back on the dancing topic though, I think there will be mass agreeance that it would be very awesome to see Chibified versions of Evangelion characters do the Haruhi ED dance. This would not only make anime fans worldwide cream their brains in over-cuteness, but also to make the Evangelion purists (like) shed confused tears of sorrow and joy.

Chibi Prattle

Most likely pieces of conversation you will hear from this Super Deformed Evangelion series.

Shinji: “I don’t want the responsibility of homework! Leave me alone!”

Asuka: “I’m Asuka Sohryu Langley! The hot hybrid which will have all you adolescent guys salivating over me!”

Rei I: “In before I get strangled”

Rei II: “….Yes…..”

Alternate Rei III: “I’m the stereotypical girl with toast in her mouth whilst running to school!”

Misato-sensei: “Now to the boys in the class, the cock doesn’t go *there*”

Eva-cho (Bully): “RAAAAGHHHH”

Jet-alone-tan: “I look forward to be the overly-moe squeaky stereotype…”

Principal Gendou: “I look like a goddamn fish on supercranky pills”

The announcement has me missing the good ol’ Sadamoto designs already.

The Fourth Impact

I can garner the fact that the reactions towards the announcement of a Super-Deformed series will be received in mixed tones across the Evangelion community. As a long time, loyalist to the series, I find myself confused as to how I really feel about the announcement. In one view, it will allow evangelion fans to see another “lighter” side to the Evangelion universe, and maybe even build new archetypes in our heads of how Rei, Shinji and Asuka could potentially behave outside of their characters. Then we have a nagging doubt that something like this just wasn’t really called for to supplement the already mythical series and it’s upcoming remakes. I guess despite a purist’s doubt, I’ll say that I’m part shocked and part intrigued at how my Rei fanboyism will develop once I see Chibi-Rei explode Chibi-Shinji into a pool of orange juice.

Her synch-ratio is through the roof, and so is Cheese-kun’s.

Cheese-kun is the new Evangelion Pilot

In other Gainax-milking related news, Evangelion’s being marketed by Japanese Pizza Hut stores now. Support the Rebelli-Oh wait, wrong anime, I do hope CC’s still keeping up with her Pizza Butt however (I love that ass). It seems that the new cover girl for Pizza Hut and their nefarious anime-laundering scheme is none other than “ZOMG TEH REI” herself. With Pizza Hutt customers getting a shot at winning a Life-size cut out of Rei Ayanami, and she’s in an “exclusive” pose not found anywhere else. Anything that our favourite blue haired and red eyed goddess touches becomes a fanboy feeding frenzy, and I should know better, seeing as I have all kinds of Rei-lated paraphernalia spewed all over my computer table. Ah well, time to order a Pizza with Zeruel’s meat pieces and LCL crusts.

In 2015, apocalypse comes with a bacon and cheese flavour

Specially marked eva-pizza packs to be given to drooling fanboys like myself.

…..Don’t tell my friends that I am already making out with mine!

Cheers,

Darkshaunz